I'm Dan Margus and today is the day I die. I belong to a message board full of people who want to kill themselves and we basically all egg eachother on. It's the darkest place on the internet, even beating out 4chan. I met with three other guys who live in Winnipeg and we're going to have a kill yourself party.
I recently graduated from University with a major in philosophy and philosophy has broken me. I'm not the man I used to be.
I love drugs, and so do two of the others. The third guy is just trying drugs for the first time but I think he'll enjoy them.
We're meeting in my apartment in Osborne Village.
We all meet in my apartment and the drugs arrive shorty after. I have heroin, I have 2C-B, I have cocaine. I'm going to do too much of all of them.
As we prepare the drugs I start with "Why don't we go around in a circle and tell everyone why we're here today."
Everybody does their drugs and talks.
"First one to die wins."
Steve takes out his phone and starts filming us all.
Mike, the drug virgin, says "My whole existence is get up, go to work, come home, play video games, go to bed, get up, go to work, come home, play video games. I have nothing going for me, I'm so bored with life." I say "I hear you. Life is totally monotonous." "I'm looking forward to heroin." "Honestly it could save your life. It could easily be something to live for." "I don't think so. I'd still have a monotonous life just add heroin." "Yeah, yeah..."
Steve says "My girlfriend was my whole existence and she left me." "Fucking puss. Is that all? Emo fucking puss with your fucking black eye makeup fucking puss." "You don't understand, it was true love, I'll never have that love again, there's no reason to go on." "There's lots more to life than true love. Fucking give it a few years you'll find a new true love." "I don't want a new true love I want her."
John says "Well, I raped a girl, and I really just can't deal with the guilt." Steve says "Piece of shit I'm glad you're dying." "Me too. I truly am a piece of shit." I say "I think your's is the darkest and I hope you die first. I'd like to see you die." "I'd like to see me die too." Everybody agrees they want this guy to die.
That brings us to me. "I just think everything is pointless, anything you can find meaning in is just made up shit that doesn't matter. We're all marching to our death trying to preoccupy ourselves before it comes but none of it fucking matters. It's all just going to disappear in 100 years. We are lost in eternity. We may as well just die and get it over with."
And then all that 2C-B kicks in. I see the white light and I realize it's love. It's the divine. I feel so much love pouring into me. I feel like this is the reason. This is the reason we don't just kill ourselves. Love. "I don't want to die anymore! I want love! Don't take me, lord, I'm not ready, I don't want it. I was just trying to be dark. I was just trying to be deep. I was just trying to be interesting. I didn't really mean it! My mother. My mother doesn't deserve to have her baby dead because of stupid existential angst. I don't want this."
I wake up with a strange glow. I look around me and there are three dead bodies. I get up and go for a walk by the river while I listen to Eluvium. Glowing. I'm okay now.
I sit on a rock and take out my phone. Our video is very popular on the message board. I post a message asking the moderators to delete my account. I call the police and tell them all about the three men in my apartment.