Chrissy the Clown
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Note: You're going to be off put immediately. No I don't actually think pedophiles should be called "minor attracted individuals" and no I don't think it should be a recognized sexual preference. It's the only kink I kink shame. Well maybe a little scat stuff too but mostly this.

Chapter One
My name is Christopher, or Chrissy the Clown, I'm mildly famous, and I am a minor attracted individual. Some day it will be a recognized sexual preference. Nobody knows but me, it would be the end of my career if it got out.

I mostly do children's birthday parties but I've been known to open for events.

I hate myself.

Chapter Two
I like to listen to Merzbow as I put on my makeup. It purifies me. It grounds me in the fact that I am abrasive. I am trash. Sometimes I cry as I put on my makeup. I know that I am myself when I apply my makeup. The clown is who I am. This person without makeup is pretend. This person without makeup is a normal person. I am not a normal person.

The clown is who I am to the children. And all I care about is who I am to the children.

Chapter Three
I'm driving down the street in my clown car, waving at the children. They wave back. They love me. Everybody loves a clown.

I pull over to talk to a child who seems shy. His father comes out of the house and tells him "Say hello to the nice clown."

The child starts to cry. That's okay. Some children are scared of clowns though I'll never know why.

Chapter Four
I'm at a kids party. I made a kid a penis balloon but they think it's a sword balloon. Works for me.

I asked a little boy "Do you want to know this clown's secret? Don't tell your parents or you'll get in trouble." And he said "...Okay." But then his mother came and told him it's time for them to go home.

Chapter Five
I'm opening for a little girl's beauty pageant. It's the one place in the world I know everyone here is just like me.

I go on stage and do my act and then the girls come out. My jaw dropped a little but luckily I was backstage where nobody could see me.

I pick out my favourite ones and I make note of them.

Chapter Six
Then when I get home I start listening to Merzbow while I hurt myself. I tell myself I'm disgusting. I tell myself I'm terrible.

I wipe the blood on my mouth like clown makeup and look in the mirror. I punch the mirror and it breaks, my hands all bloodied up. I rub the broken glass all over me.

Chapter Seven
And then I finally get it. I get the neighbour boy to come into my house for juice and cookies.

I'll spare you the details, but they are horrific.

The boy cries and cries. I tell him to shut up. The boy runs home to his father. I've really done it this time.

Chapter Eight
The boy's father comes over to my house. I make sure I'm in full clown gear for when he comes. He opens the door and I say "I'm not even sorry."

He pulls out a crowbar and hits me over the head with it. I fall to the ground and he continues to hit me until my head splits open and my brains splatter all over my front walk.

A life well lived.