A Visit from the Straight Man
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Chapter One
My name is Julia and I enjoy heroin. I don't do it every day but I did do it today, the worst possible time for me to do it.

I'm at my friend Danny's house and it's a bit of a drug den. He's been my childhood friend so everybody knows I like to hang out here. But not everybody knows it's a drug den. My boyfriend's parents don't know it's a drug den and apparently they're coming over.

My boyfriend Clyde just texted me saying I better sober up 'cause his parents are coming over. I told him it's too late I just shot up.

Chapter Two
I frantically hide all the paraphernalia. All the bongs, all the mirrors and razor blades, all the needles. We have everything. I dust off all the remains of drugs in an OCD fit.

I tell Danny he needs to play sober. He says "I don't play sober for straight men." "Please don't ruin my life." "This is your life, don't let that shit ruin this." "This is not my life! This may be your life but this isn't my life!" "Denial." "Please I have a good relationship with these people." "Alright fine I'll try."

Chapter Three
His parents, Walter and Donna, come in through the door and I'm sitting on the couch. For awhile they don't know that I'm high and they make small talk. "How are your parents?" I nervously say "Good." "What have you been up to lately?" "Nothing." "Rather short on words this evening." "I don't know!"

"I hope you're ready for a good meal, we're going to Santa Lucia." "Sounds good." "Are you okay?" "Yes."

Chapter Four
Then Walter notices I'm slurring my speech. He asks "Have you been drinking?" with a grin on his face. "Yes I've been drinking." "Well no harm in that, I was thinking of having a few beers at dinner. I'll have to catch up with you, you got a head start."

Danny scoffs and laughs.

Chapter Five
Walter says "What's so funny? You judging us for drinking?" "I'm judging you but not for drinking. By all means drink." "Well then what's your problem?" "People like you thumb their noses at drug addicts and then you go and do one of the most harmful substances known to man." "What are you talking about?" "Your son warned us you were coming and that you don't look kindly on people like us." I say "Danny! Fuck! The fuck are you doing?!" "Standing up for what's right against everything that's wrong with the world." "I asked you not to... You just can't resist a fight can you?"

Donna says "What is he talking about?" I say "I'm fucked up on heroin, okay?!" She turns to Clyde and says "Did you know about this?" "...Yes." "What are you saying?"

Chapter Six
He says "Is there any way I can get out of this without insulting either party?" And Donna starts to cry. She says "I thought it was bad enough with the marijuana but you're doing heroin?!" Danny says "That's right he's one of us so just fuck off."

"It's true, I'm one of them."

Donna starts to cry harder.

Chapter Seven
Donna grabs my arm and tries to pull me away. Danny steps between us and says "Look she doesn't want to go so just fuck off straight woman." Walter gets in his face and says "Don't fucking talk to my wife like that." Danny pushes him and he punches Donny in the face. Danny says "Fucking fascist!"

I say "Everybody stop!" and start to cry.

Chapter Eight
Walter says "Heroin ruins lives, it ruins families! It kills people! People die every day! Plus you don't know what's in that shit. You think you're doing poppy seeds but you're doing god knows what else they put in there. It could be fentanyl or even carfentanil. When I was in the army I saw a man get addicted to morphine. It transformed him. All he could think about was his next hit and when he was going to get to do it."

"I know it's bad!" "Then don't fucking do it. Don't you ever turn into this man here who seems so proud of it. Like there's something wrong with a world that condemns it. The world condemns it because the world sees what happens."

He says "Don't worry you don't have to sit through dinner. Don't talk to us again until you're clean." Donna looks at Clyde and says "You either!" And they both walk out.