Note: The following story was written at age 15. It's not great but I suppose it's pretty good for a 15 year old.
It's dark. Very dark. I know that whatever hole I am in is rather small in diameter, I can feel it, but I can't see the walls. I would get up to feel for them, but I'm too scared, and in too much damn pain to move. I think my legs are broken, they feel pretty weird, but I haven't checked to see if they are yet, it wouldn't be hard, I just don't really want to know. I've been down here for... Well, I don't know how long, but I've been awake for... I don't know that either, A long time, I can't see the light, and my watch is broken, so even if I wanted to know how long It's been I couldn't tell. They say you can go a very long time without food and water as long as you're not moving, I guess we'll see if that's true. I'm pretty hungry, but maybe if I don't think about it it will go away. ...What else is there to think about?
I can see... A spec. A spec of light maybe? Yeah, it must be, because it's too dark to see a spec of anything else. Is it really small? Or really far away? It has to be far away, because how would I have got here in the first place if the opening is that small? Well, a spec of light is hope, but, no... It pains me even more. I know that getting out is a possibility, but I can't, I just... can't. Could I call out for help? Maybe I should, maybe somebody would here me. No, the only people anywhere near here know exactly where I am anyway, calling out wouldn't do any good, I should just save my energy. As long as I can see the light, I'll know how long I've been down here, well... Give or take maybe three days. If even, I wonder if I've only been down here a few hours, it just feels like an eternity.
Did they leave me? I still have hope that they will come for me, but... Something... Something in the back of my mind thinks otherwise, maybe they want me down here. What did I do to them? No, now I'm just getting paranoid, I'm sure they're trying to get me out... Or maybe they don't even know where I am... Or maybe... They're in danger as well. No, I need to stop thinking so negatively, they will come for me, I'll be fine. I just need to survive... I wonder how long I could do that. What if I starve? What if I dehydrate? What if it caves in? What if I bleed to death? I can't feel my legs anymore, and I don't want to move my arms to see if they're bleeding, for all I know I'm lying in a puddle of blood. Maybe I should move my arms, just to see... No, not knowing if I can move my arms or legs is what's still giving me hope, I can't destroy that by finding out I'm completely immobile, but I'm too scared... What if they are broken? What if I am immobile? Then what do I do? Then any chance I have of surviving could be gone.
I think I'm going to have to check whether or not I can move soon, it's going to have to be done eventually. What good is having that as your hope if you don't even know if it's true or not? My hope is that it's a possibility, so if I can't, then the hope was useless in the first place. I need to try, if I don't I'm only lying to myself. ...If only I were that strong, if only my mind would let me. No, my mind wants to... If only my subconscious would let me. I want to, but at the same time I don't want to. But if I don't then I die, and if I do, and find out that I can't, then I die. But if I find out that I can... Then what? Then what happens? Do I climb out? I don't even think I could, even if I were at full strength. So what's the point?
I think the time has come... I think I need to try now. I just... I just don't want to, I'm scared, but I have to do it... ...I can move my arms, I'm not bleeding. That's... good. I can stand up too, I don't seem to feel any pain, how did I fall down all that way, and not break anything? No... How did I fall down all that way, and survive? I don't even remember falling, I don't know what happened... But by some strange miracle, I can move. Is this some sort of joke? Well, I might as well feel around for the walls now that I can move.
As I had suspected, the hole is very small in diameter, and it just seems to keep getting more narrow as it gets to the top. A big, long... Hole, is it natural? It doesn't seem like it, I wonder what could have created such a thing. Oh well, it doesn't matter, maybe I can crawl out by putting one foot and arm on one side, and the other ones on the other side. Maybe I will get myself out of here.
I climbed for what seemed like forever, I started to get fatigued, but I looked up, and the ever increasing size of the light at the top gave me hope. As I climbed it slowly got brighter, you wouldn't normally be able to notice it, but I was paying close attention to the light, since my eyes had adjusted to the darkness at the bottom, and since I had been down there so long, I guess it was easier to notice those kinds of things. I kept looking up whenever I got tired, it would give me hope to keep pushing on. The one thing I didn't do was look down, I couldn't look down, it would either scare me to death that I'm so high up, or break my heart that I hadn't made it far at all. Either way, it wasn't worth it to look. My arms were getting really tired, and I didn't know how much farther I could go, it was really starting to get painful, but I kept going. I'm almost there, and it would be stupid to give up now. Besides, going down without falling may be just as hard.
When I made it to the top, it was a flat, barren, rock desert. It wasn't like that before, what happened? When I was on the surface, I remember mud, and rain, and... Difference in elevation. Besides, it was so dry, I couldn't have been down there long enough for it to dry up completely. How long was I down there anyway? 3 Days? At the most anyway. It looked like it wasn't going to stop raining for a long time, it most likely rained for about 2 of the days I was down there... What the hell happened? Oh well, I wont worry about that, what I have to worry about is finding Civilization... ...In the sky I can see some trails of cloud, as if a plane flew by a short time ago. I think I heard it while I was climbing up... If its that low to the ground there must be a city, or an air base... Or something... Around here somewhere, I'll have to follow it.
I ran after it for a long time, if I were to walk I probably wouldn't keep up with how fast it was disappearing. Actually, it was disappearing before I got there even then, so I was going to be on my own pretty soon. I sped up to keep up with it, I wasn't getting tired, I could just keep running and running forever, I eventually managed to keep up a good pace where I could follow it before it disappeared. I managed to keep running, despite the fact that my muscles have been inactive, I haven't had any food and water, and just a few days ago I fell dozens of feet down a huge hole. Maybe I was pumping extra adrenalin, or maybe... ...That never happened.
That was all a dream, did that mean that me being able to move was all a dream? Wait... Does that mean that me falling down the hole in the first place was all a dream? I don't want to shatter that thought, so now not only am I too scared to move my legs or arms, but I'm too scared to open my eyes. This is just damn perfect. Not that it would matter, it's so dark I could open my eyes and never notice. I wonder what it looks like down here... If I could see it that is. It's probably just... rocks... And dirt... But maybe, just maybe, theres something else down here. Theres something else I can feel, I feel like theres something special about this hole. Mind you, I don't even know if my first feeling about this hole is even true, since verifying it was a dream anyway.
I guess opening my eyes wouldn't hurt any, if I weren't in the hole then I wouldn't be able to feel this uncomfortable ground underneath me... Yeah... Still here. So then why don't I open my eyes? What's wrong with me? I was fine earlier, now I feel like I... Can't. I can't open my eyes because I sense that I'm going to see something I don't want to see. What, though? I'm already in this hole, what else could there possibly be that I wouldn't want to see?
The inside of my eyelids are more... Orange. Is there a new source of light? How would that have happened? No... Maybe it's earlier in the day, maybe some sunlight is actually getting in... No, no that can't be, the hole is way too small and far away for that to happen... Did I have a flashlight with me? Did someone else? Maybe someone is looking for me... Should I call out? Maybe they don't see me... Maybe they aren't here, they only dropped a light... Maybe I'm delirious... Yeah, yeah... That's most likely it. But I'll never find out unless I open my eyes... So I guess I'll never find out, because at the rate I'm going so far these eyes aren't opening, and these legs aren't moving... It's just going to be that way, I'm going to lay here and die, and I'm not going to do anything about it. Why not? All I have to do is open my eyes, and get up, that's all it's going to take. But no, I can't, I don't want to know what's going to be there beside me, and I don't want to find out that I'm completely hopeless. But what's making that light anyway? Did the hole get wider maybe? Yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe they're trying to dig me out... Or maybe it's still raining, and it got eroded away. I'm not going to find out unless I open my eyes, so... Here it goes.
It was a shock, no, more than a shock. White... Pale... It was there... He was there, right there beside me, and it was my best friend. The flashlight shining right at him, he must have dropped it when he fell. I jumped to my feet when I saw it, so maybe it was for the better, if it weren't for him being there, I never would have moved my legs. I was surprised to find that I could move them, I could move them fine. But now I had a new problem... If he's here, then how am I supposed to get out? Well, at least I'll have some food if I get really... No... What am I thinking? I'll never do that... Ok, well, I could take all of his supplies, a flashlight may come in handy... I should turn it off to conserve the batteries.
I sat down on the side of the hole, and stared blankly... I could see his outline, but nothing more... Every once in a while I'm tempted to turn the flashlight on... To see him... I don't know why... Maybe I'm just morbid. Or maybe not, maybe that's natural... Is it? I don't know, I hope it is...
Still sitting at the side of the hole... Getting really tired now, but I don't... want to sleep, I can't sleep. Even though I need to, even though its perfectly quiet and dark, even though I... no longer have anything on my mind that I haven't already thought about... I just can't. And it has nothing to do with the dead body laying down in front of me either. Or the fact that I'm probably doomed to spend the rest of my short life down here... I've already covered all of that... There's... Nothing left to be worried about. I suppose I'm going to have to accept death when it comes... Because it will come, and it will come soon. And there isn't anything I can do about it. ...How long has it been anyway? I probably should have dehydrated by now.
On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. ... I can't say I know how long I did this, but I must have spent a lot of time that I could have spent sleeping on turning the flash light on and off, staring at my departed friend, my former companion. Why did I do that? I don't know. I'm a sick person I guess... Or maybe I'm just bored... Would you do that if you were that bored?... Hmm... Off.
Every once in a while I feel like I'm dreaming, I pinch myself, it hurts... Is this insomnia? I couldn't say I'm awake... I couldn't say I'm asleep. It's like I'm dreaming that I'm asleep, while I'm awake. I drift in and out though, whenever some really strange shit is happening, I know that I'm dreaming it, but when I wake up... It's the same. I'm still dreaming... I'm just dreaming awake. I'm at the point where I can no longer tell the difference. I'm also at the point where I don't care. I'll just sit here and rot, and maybe see some very odd things while I'm at it. Like my good ol pal here clawing at my feet, it doesn't really bother me anymore. Though maybe I should give him a proper burial... Even if he already is pretty much buried... And decomposing. I should. He would do the same for me.
I got to work digging a hole with my hands, it was hardly six feet... But it will do. I emptied his pockets and laid him down in the hole, buried him, then found a large rock and put it on top. I sat up and said a prayer, but I can't say how much of it I would belive anymore... No... I shouldn't doubt these things now. Not when I'm so close to death. I shuffled back to my wall, and sat. Today, I would finally sleep.
When I awoke... Or... Did I awake? I don't know. It's all the same, so I'll just refer to the both of them as sections of not-too-clear thought. Well, anyway, on my next section of not-too-clear thought, he was still there. I didn't burry him... Should I do it again? ...No, maybe I'm dreaming this time. I'll just leave it... It's all the same anyway. At least I put some effort into it anyway... Or... dreamt that I put some effort into it, that is. Unless.... this is me dreaming... that I dreamt that I buried.... uh... never mind.
Sections of not-too-clear thought... I should try to determine which is dream, and which is reality... After burying him, I fell asleep, so I must be dreaming... But I may have dreamt burying him, and me going to sleep was the end of that dream, where I woke up. Is my brain just doing this to confuse me?... Maybe I should reach out and touch him... To see if he's there... To see if something happens... But then, I could still be awake and dreaming... No, I wont. I'll just sit here and let things happen.
I must have entered the next section of not-too-clear thought... Well, I'm pretty sure reality is no more for me, that even when I'm awake I'm dreaming... So I think it's safe to say that I dreamt burying him, and I dreamt the fact that he wasn't buried. I wonder if I could snap out of it now... To do that I would have to feel awake... To do that I would have to sleep... Sleep would just cause more dreams... And I would be right back here wondering which is dream and which is reality. I should just end this... Climb up a bit and fall down. But no... Then that would probably be a dream, and I would just wake up right back here again... And I don't want to do that anyway... No matter how much I think I do.
That raises another question... Am I already dead? Is that what death is? An eternal sleep? I can't seem to stop it... Maybe I am dead... Stuck down here for eternity. It would make sense anyway, I haven't been hungry or thirsty for a long time... Though I stopped paying attention to how many days are going past, so I don't know how long a long time really is.
I'm probably not dead... I'm just... tired... My insomnia is driving me insane... I should sleep. I should just lay down and stop thinking... And see what happens. Hell, I can't think of how long I've been like this... Was finding the body a dream? Was falling down here a dream? That may be why it's falling apart now... I'm about to wake up. But usually once I realize I'm dreaming I can control my dreams... And wake myself up... But... No... I guess not... I'll... I'll sleep now.
I still can't sleep. I don't want to sleep. I will not sleep. All sleep will do is confuse me further. I wont know what I dreamt and what I didn't... Am I dreaming this? Hell, I don't know... I seem to already be pretty confused... So sleep may not hurt me any. But no... I can't... I wonder if I've set a record... what's the longest anybodies gone without sleep, food, or water? ...Who am I asking?
Am I asking you, buddy? Yeah, don't answer me, it might freak me out if you did. Since you're dead and all. ...I must have dreamt burying you... Or I'm dreaming this. Ah, who's paying attention any more anyway. I'm not... I'm rather lost... Do you know? How often have I slept? Yeah, fine, stay quiet... You're so rude.... Heh heh...
What about food? How long can you survive without that?... Not too much longer I suppose... Though I'm not hungry... Or thirsty... I'm just... Fine. But maybe my brain got screwed up on the way down here... Maybe I should eat. Maybe I no longer know when I'm hungry, and am now on the verge of starvation but wouldn't realize it. ...But there isn't anything down here to eat...
Any chances I had of getting out of here with any dignity... I ruined just now. What would people think when they pull a half eaten corpse out of here with me? Though by the time I'm out he'll most likely be completely decomposed anyway... So what's the difference? Nobody would know... Except... Me... of course. And him, what do you think of it, pal? Is it ok that I'm doing this? Hey... I'm sure you would have wanted to help me survive anyway...
Maybe this is another dream... Maybe that's why I didn't feel hungry... And maybe that's why I don't feel full. That would make sense... Maybe this is a horrible nightmare. Maybe when I wake up he'll be buried safely...
I know I've been drifting in and out of thought for awhile... But lately I think I've been drifting in and out of consciousness... I see bright white lights every once in a while... Though... When I do... I don't remember just seeing them... It's as if I saw it a long time ago... But am just remembering it now... Or something. I'm not sure really, but its strange... I suppose I'm dying... I guess I won't be making it out after all.
Is it heaven I see? Somebody who's eaten a dead human... Is that the kind of person they allow in heaven? And am I even sure there is a heaven? I've always thought so before, but what kind of a God would let this happen to somebody? Did I do something wrong?
What else could it be? Maybe... Maybe I'm just dreaming that my life is slipping. Maybe not... But I'm not getting into this debate again. It's quite possible that I'm simply hallucinating it... But it's a strange hallucination... I don't see anything... I don't think of it... I just... Know it. I know it's there. Is that what a hallucination is? Maybe I've never had a real one before.
Is that my soul escaping? I suppose my soul doesn't have a brain ...or eyes... and would see things differently... So that could be it. Supporting the theory that it is, in fact, heaven. But I'm still under the impression that I don't belong there.
There isn't much else it could be... What are the other possibilities anyway? Hey, maybe this is one of those near death experiences, my mind is just showing me exactly what I would want to see... If this is the case... That's rather disappointing. I wonder what death is really going to be like... Maybe I actually will make it to heaven, I guess you never know. I'll sleep now, maybe I'll get lucky and I won't wake up.
For the last time I dipped out of what I thought was my consciousness, but really, I was more conscious than ever. The walls were padded, there was a bright light... Padded? Huh? What happened? Was I out? Was I ever in? It was like my eyes had opened for the first time in ages, I didn't feel good, I didn't feel bad. I felt nothing.